These Sufferings Have Seasoned Me...

My life has been full of ups and downs. My first struggle I remember facing was one that hit, not just me, but my family. I am sure I had plenty of struggles before this one, but this is the one I remember the clearest. It happened to my grandmother at the age of 60.

My grandma a couple months before she passed.

She was diagnosed with brain cancer and died my eighth grade year the day before my 14th birthday. I had an extremely hard time dealing with this death. Me and my grandmother were very close. I still remember like it was yesterday helping her weed her beautiful garden.

My Grandma, me, and family at a baseball game.

Of course my suffering that year did not end with that. A couple months later my great-grandmother also passed away at the age of 82. I was not really that close with her, but I still had a hard time dealing with her death especially since it was so close to another. This all made me realize how fragile life is and how short it can be.

Great-grandma :)

Shortly after this insight, my grandfather, now a widower, got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. This again hit me hard. I just got over two deaths and had no idea how I was gonna get through another one. Luckily, I never had to. Pancreatic cancer has a 1% survival rate and my grandpa was in that 1%. That year was painful for me and getting through it helped me become more alive. I now see the world differently because I in order to cope with my struggles I had to look at everything with a sense of kindness and love. I learned I should not be angry because in a second life can change.

My grandma, great-grandma, and grandpa at the last Thanksgiving all together!

Another struggle that I faced was within me. This one was extremely personal, but it has indeed seasoned me. I had very low self-esteem because of things people would say about me and how I looked. I there for would try and hide myself from everyone I knew and refused to do anything where people had to look closely at me. I also started to change my habits in hopes to loose weight. This of course just made things worse and I was unable to function very well. Luckily, I also grew from this. I learned that others will see me how I see me. So I must first love myself before I can let anyone else.

Religion has also been a huge struggle with me for a couple reasons. One is I am about to leave my home and head for college where I will be on my own. I have had to look at my religion and faith and ask myself if this is what I believe. Lately though, I have decided I love my Catholic faith and do not plan on leaving it anytime soon. The other thing that challenged my faith was my sister switching hers. At first I did not think her switching to Mormonism would affect me that much, but it most certainly has. Her moving religions has hurt my parents greatly and therefore has also hurt me. I cannot stand my parents upset and could not stand to see them cry every night over it all. My parents were trying to get me to realize how different the Catholic and Mormon faith was so I would not switch like my sister did. Unfortunately, all they did pushed me away from both religions and I lost my faith. I still turned to God, but then I was questioning whether I truly believe in Him or not.

Christmas Mass

Thankfully, my friends were able to help me find my faith again, and now it is stronger than it has ever been. This whole situation made me realize how much God is there with me every step of the way.


All these sufferings have seasoned me into who I am today and have helped me see the world from a different point of view.


xoxo Love